Author: Felina Bany

If you judge people, you have no time to love them,” said Mother Teresa. It is one of my favourite quotes and one that I have to remind myself often when relationships are difficult.

It contains in it a powerful transforming truth. It is easy enough to understand but hard to practice. However, if we take it to heart and pursue it sincerely, it is able to change our struggling relationships at home, in our church and with our friends to more positive and happier ones. It can be the antidote to much of our negativity about people.

Judging people is evaluating people by our standards and expectations. And somehow judging and loving people don’t go together, no matter how much we want to believe otherwise.

That is why when God decides to love us, he gives up judging us. I know Scriptures say God is the eternal judge who will ultimately judge humanity for how we live on earth. But if we are the recipients of God’s love, we have been spared of judgement. We have to choose between God’s love and judgement. And if we choose love, we will not be judged for our sins and failures. We will only be judged for reward.

Likewise, when we choose to love someone, we have to give up on judging them. Often when we are judging people, we try to convince ourselves that we are doing it for their good. In other words, our very judgement is an act of love. With that logic, we judge the people we are supposed to love. This is simply not true.

When we judge someone, we inevitably come up with a list of things that we don’t like about them or we are upset with. At that moment, they seem undeserving of our acceptance, and to communicate our disapproval, we change our behaviour towards them.

Judging has no meaning in itself unless it is empowered through our actions. So we withhold love. To withhold love, we suspend our kindness, patience, gentleness, trust and perseverance. We become self-seeking, easily angered and dishonouring, and often we say unkind words. But by withholding love, we inflict pain in our relationships. Parent-child, husband-wife, friendships, and many more relationships are often victims of this.

There is great pain in relationships when love is withheld. People we truly care about suffer hurt when we cut them off from our love even for a while. For love to achieve what God created it to do, it cannot expand and shrink according to whether people are meeting our expectations. Love has to be unconditional.

There is nothing wrong with expectations. It is natural to have expectations in relationships. The closer people are to us, the more expectations we have of them. But people closest to us often don’t meet our expectations. Our natural feeling is one of disappointment when this happens. But disappointment must not lead to the withholding of love.

Tying love to meeting expectations is problematic.

God also has great expectations of us. He has put a lot of potential within us and is heavily invested in our wellbeing and success. We often fail to meet God’s expectations; sometimes to be who we are created to be, sometimes to do what we are called to do. Sometimes our failures are harmful to us, they hurt us or set us back in life. I am sure it breaks the heart of God when this happens. Yet, God does not judge us nor withhold his love from us when we don’t meet his expectations.

For better relationships, we need to manage our expectations. We may even need to change our expectations. We need to give people the freedom to be who they are and to choose how they live. And yes, even the people closest to us like our spouse and children have that right. They too have the right to decide who they are. Our role is to love them unconditionally.

We will struggle with unconditional love unless we truly believe in its power for good.

For us to appreciate the goodness of unconditional love, we need to meditate on God’s love for us. Unconditional love is truly transforming. It is the healing balm for wounded souls. In a world that is increasingly exhausting emotionally and gruelling mentally, unconditional love is the fresh air that we are all gasping for. It gives us courage and emboldens us to continue dreaming and working towards the better version of ourselves.

So as we seek happier and more positive relationships, let’s work harder to love more unconditionally!

Reading the Book of Proverbs recently, I stopped at one verse that is more relevant than ever today.

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.

– Proverbs 24:10 (NKJV)

It is a verse not just for those who are seeking to thrive in life but for everyone who does not want to spiral downward in these tough days.

We are indeed in the day of adversity as the current global situation prolongs. More and more, the toil on our mental and emotional wellbeing is piling up. For many, the days are becoming increasingly burdensome as they continue to struggle to adjust to the “new normal.” How well we fare in this unusual season is a true test of our emotional resilience.

Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt and manage stressful situations or causes. It is an innate ability that some seem to be born with. But it can also be developed by anyone who desires it.

As Christians, we believe that God has designed us to thrive no matter what life throws at us. As the Apostle Paul says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Living our best life in hard times is challenging but with Jesus on our side, we can choose to be overcomers. And to do that, we need to be emotionally resilient.

So here are four important traits that if we cultivate well, can help us to build emotional resilience.

1. Spirituality

As Christians, we begin with spirituality. Spirituality, in fact, is the number one trait that researchers found when studying people who overcame tragedies. More than any other qualities, spirituality was identified as the most critical source of strength that enabled people to triumph over adversities.

People who believe in God do better in difficult times.

If we want to be emotionally resilient, we need to make the effort to build a strong relationship with Jesus. Ironically, making the effort in our relationship with God can be challenging during a stressful period.

When we are facing life head-on, we try to conserve our energy from “unnecessary” things. So we put God on hold as we press in to the urgent. When life gets tough, the tough gets going, so we try to “bulldoze” our way through. But this eventually leads to breakdown and we suffer mental, emotional and health issues due to great stress accumulated over a prolonged period.

Jesus invites us to rest in him when we are weary.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

If you are willing to do that you will notice that the stronger your relationship with God, the greater your inner strength.

2. Positive Relationships

Studies reveal that to function at its best, our brain needs positive social support. This is because good relationships release oxytocin which calms our minds and reduces stress. In fact, it has been found that we do not only need to receive support from others, we also need to give support to others

In other words, we need others and we need to be needed by others.

Studies found that children who grew up in impoverished circumstances but had great role models who supported them, often triumphed over great difficulties and went on to live productive, healthy lives.

Without doubt, our relationships play a critical part in our emotional resilience. It is not surprising that the New Testament contains many exhortations for us to love and support each other.

“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.”

Romans 13:8 (NIV)

If we follow the biblical admonitions in cultivating positive relationships, we are bound to grow more resilient emotionally.

3. Positive Mindset

Resilient people are generally more optimistic. They are able to see the positives even in dire situations. They also have a sense of control and more confidence in their abilities to handle challenges.

Resilient people believe that they do not have to be at the mercy of outside forces.

They are flexible and adaptable, and often see obstacles as challenges to overcome. They learn quickly from mistakes and allow adversity to make them stronger instead of weaker.

Studies have also revealed an interesting common trait of people with high emotional resilience — they are humorous! They have the ability to laugh at life’s difficulties and their humour often allow them to manage stress more intelligently.

4. Life Purpose

Highly resilient people have a deep sense of purpose in life. When times are hard, their purpose carries them forward. They are also found to have a strong moral compass and genuine concern for the wellbeing of others, not just themselves.

They also tend to be more discipline. For example, most resilient people have good exercise habits. They are often lifelong learners that keep growing their mind and adapting to new information about the world. Their commitment to their life purpose generates great inner strength to triumph over challenges.

As Christians, these are certainly traits that we should aspire to. As we become more resilient through hard times, we will not only inherit the promises that God has for us but we will be shining testimonies for the glory of God. Remember we are more than conquerors through Christ who loves us (Romans 8:37)!

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love. – 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (NIV)

A young boy was given the chore of carrying a pail of water from a well to his house every afternoon. It was truly a frustrating task for him as the pail he had to use had holes on it. By the time he reached the door of his home, half the water in his pail would have been wasted on the pathway. No matter how he persuaded his father, he could not change his father’s mind about this tedious task. As the days unfolded, the young boy found an interesting development. Plants had sprouted on the pathway that he treaded daily carrying the pail of water. When he told his father of the happy surprise, he discovered that his father had planted seeds on the pathway and that he was in fact watering the seeds without knowing it.

The Word of God is indeed like the water that grows the seeds that God has planted within us. It is given to us to teach, rebuke, correct and train us in righteousness.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

What this means is that the Word is given to help us build a godly life. The Word teaches us about God and the Christian life. Without the Word, it is not possible to grow as a Christian.

The Bible rebukes and corrects us.

When we check our behaviours against the Bible, we will know when we are wrong, and how to correct ourselves.

I remember how I learned to speak wisely. It wasn’t taught to me by anybody. I was rebuked and corrected by the Word. It happened during my devotion when I was a relatively young believer. I was reading the Book of James, and as I came to James 3:1-12, I just couldn’t move on from these verses on taming the tongue. I began to reflect on them, repented and decided to watch my words from that day on.

While I didn’t understand everything about the Book of James, I certainly did understand enough for it to change my life! Do not be discouraged if you cannot understand Scriptures very well. I believe that God designed his Word in such a way that we can spend our whole life discovering more of it! Even Bible scholars continue to try to understand more of Scriptures!

In fact, we should not be in a great hurry to know everything in the Bible. Just like it takes time to know a person deeply, it takes time to discover the depths of Scriptures. Layer by layer, the Bible opens up to us as we take time to read and meditate. Cramping in too much knowledge in a great hurry — we sometimes do this because we mistakenly find our sense of superiority as a Christian in our knowledge of the Bible — can lead to a puff up head and indigestion!

If you keep reading the Bible, God will always give you sufficient gems in the Word to grow you and direct your path. You do not have to worry about missing out on God’s promises and directions.

When I began sensing God leading me into the ministry, there was a great struggle within me. Even when my spiritual leaders ‘confirmed’ my calling, I continued to struggle. One night, as I was praying, I heard the Holy Spirit said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45, NKJV) Immediately, I fell on my knees and cried. The Word of God broke my resistance and directed my path.

I certainly didn’t know much Scriptures at that time but God used what I did know to direct me. Loving the Word and applying it — precept by precept — continuously is the best way to grow as a believer.

If you would like to grow in your love for the Word, I recommend reading Psalm 119. Psalm 119 is the longest chapter in the Bible and contains 179 verses extolling the greatness of Scriptures. It is a beautiful acrostic poem comprising 22 units of 8 verses. Each unit begins with a letter in the Hebrew alphabets. In this wonderful Psalm, eight words are used to describe Scriptures — law, word (dabar), judgments, testimonies, commandments, statutes, precepts and word (imrah). That so many verses and words are used to describe Scriptures should alert us to its extraordinary breath!

Reading one verse of Psalm 119 every day would enable you to read through the entire Psalm twice a year. And when you have read one verse of Psalm 119, go ahead and read another passage of Scriptures. Precept by precept, the Word of God waters the seeds into full bloom, bearing the fruits God desires in your life!

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

I remember vividly when God taught me about not worrying. It was a normal devotional time where I was reading the Bible and praying but my mind was filled with worries that day. We were still a young church then and the future was uncertain. I was concern about many things. My mind would run off as I tried to pray. Eventually, I turned my Bible to Philippians 4:6-8.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-8 (NIV)

This was exactly what I was trying to do. Yet after praying I found my mind still anxious. As I meditated on these verses, I had an important realisation. It had to do with where my mind was focused. As long as my mind was focused on my worries, there would be no peace. 

The peace of God transcends understanding because it is supernatural.

If we use natural reasoning, we can’t receive the peace of God. The peace of God is the result of a mind that is focused on Jesus.

At this realisation, I began thinking about Jesus. A while later, I found my worries and anxious thoughts gone. My situation hadn’t changed but my mind was no longer occupied by them. Instead a deep peace filled my heart. To this day, when I am worried, I think about Jesus.

Our mind is given to us by God so that we can have understanding. It processes information, reflects, interprets, judges, evaluates and makes decisions. All these activities happen unceasingly, often at a subconscious level. But unless our mind has been trained through a relationship with God from a young age, it functions without much regard to God. The Bible calls this the “natural” or “worldly” mind. This by the way is why Christian parents are exhorted to train their child in God’s way while they are young (Proverbs 22:6 ).

The mind is wired to find the path of less resistance. This is the familiar pathway or pattern that we use the most. You will notice that when you are driving say from your office to your home, you can do it without much mental engagement. In fact, your mind often wander and you could even be day dreaming as you drive! You might also find yourself subconsciously driving home when you have a colleague in your car that you have to drop off! Your mind functions subconsciously on familiar pathway.

This is why many of us even after becoming a Christian for many years would slide back into the familiar pattern of the natural mind. Because we function subconsciously from the natural mind, the Bible tells us to “renew our mind” (Romans 12:2).

The natural mind has an inclination to focus on the negatives — what we don’t have, what is not right, why we are not good enough, what can go wrong. This tendency could be linked to our survival instinct after the fall of man.

We feel burdened and anxious. The responsibilities of life overwhelm us. Our body becomes tense and stressed, making us susceptible to sickness. Worrying drains us. But as long as our mind is stayed on our problems and fears, we will remain anxious. We can’t stop worrying.

Just recently, out of the blue, I caught myself worrying about how the current pandemic is affecting the church. As long as I function from my natural mind, I will remain anxious. But as so many of us know, worrying will not change the situation.

So I stilled my anxious mind and reminded myself that God is on his throne. I filled my mind with the thoughts of Jesus, prayed and laid my concerns at Jesus’ feet. I asked Him to lead me and bless me. Then I proceeded to do what I can do. Again the peace of God that is greater than my natural mind filled my heart.

What about you? I wonder if you find yourself anxious. Are you worried about what is happening and how it is impacting you? Perhaps something unexpected happened and worrying is keeping you up at night.

One of God’s name is Jehovah Shalom — the Lord is peace. Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27, NIV).

Jesus wants to be your peace.

He understands your worries. Turn your mind towards Jesus. Think about who He is, what He has done, how much He loves you. Pray with faith.

You can’t change your world by focusing on your worries. Worrying is like rocking a stationary chair. It uses your energy but gets you nowhere.

However, you can change your world if you shift your focus to Jesus. Pray and do your very best. Choose trust over worry. Not only will you experience God’s transcending peace, you will realise that there is no situation where God’s love cannot reach.

Shalom!

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

When I was a young pastor, I had an earnest desire to see everyone grow in Jesus. I thought that if everyone would allow Jesus to work His love and power in their lives, they would be a better person and live a better life. 

After working with hundreds of people in the last 25 years, I realise now that not everyone wants to grow. Growth involves change. And change is uncomfortable and even painful. One thing became evident to me through the years. Some people do not grow. Time, experiences and even education do not make us better.

Becoming a better person is a choice that we must make.

Many people want a better life. Yet they lack awareness that the better life is a result of being a better person.

Here we are at the beginning of a new year! A common wish we all share is that this would be a great year. While we can’t predict how this year will unfold, we can right at the onset, decide to grow as a person. A better us will give us a greater chance for a better year!

So here are 3 things you can do to be a better person in this new year.

1. Create Positive Relationships

We start with relationships because relationships are really the best measurement of who we are. Career, status and physical look cannot reveal whether we are a good human or not.

But if we are a blessing to people or if we are a pain, it shows up in our relationships either way. Nothing is as transforming as relationships and if we challenge ourselves to create positive relationships, we will become a better us.

As a start, let go off past hurt. If people have unintentionally hurt us, forgive them just as God forgives us. Choose to be a blessing to them in the new year.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV)

However, there might be people who we find impossible to cultivate positive relationships. They might be insecure, envious or just cruel people who intentionally hurt us, and will continue to do so if we allow them. In the new year, let us not give foothold in our lives to people who will take advantage of us and mistaken our kindness as weakness.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not what we have but who we have that make us better people. I am truly grateful for my family, friends and church. My relationships with them have been instrumental in my growth.

Who do you have in your life that make you a better person?

Are you surrounded by people who challenge you to be a better version of yourself? They are truly the keys to a better you.

2. Cultivate Productive Habits

There are productive habits that make us and unproductive habits that break us. We will not have a greater year without cultivating productive habits.

Productive habits empower us to be a better us and live a higher quality of life. They are simple daily-stuff such as time management, punctuality, good manners, sufficient rest, proper work ethics, competence and spirituality.

What are the habits that if you would do consistently would make you more successful?

Choose one to begin cultivating and add more as the year progresses. If you are unclear about what you need to cultivate, ask your family or friends. Believe me, they know!

It is impossible to be a better us without changing our habits. Same habits will mean the same us in the new year!

3. Choose Personal Happiness

Have you noticed that you are a better person when you are happy? You treat people better and you produce better work.

On the other hand, your soul is crushed when you are unhappy and life becomes a burden. You become judgemental and easily offended when you do not like yourself or your life.

To be a better you, choose happiness.

Yes, happiness is a choice. Choose faith and hope in tiring circumstances. Choose patience and trust when good things are slow in coming. Choose to believe what God says about you so that you are not dragged down by people’s malicious opinions.

Find happiness in the simple things — a walk in the park, conversations with friends, your favourite music. Most of all, remember happiness is found in giving and serving because that is truly our greatest purpose in life.

It takes 66 days to form a new habit. Creating positive relationships, cultivating productive habits or choosing personal happiness might be difficult at the start. But there are 365 days in the new year to keep trying! Say to yourself every day, “I am becoming a better human.”

A better you is well worth it. Remember, your Heavenly Father has called you to live a life worthy of Him and His great love for you.

… live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, …

Colossians 1:10 (NIV)

Surely one of the great struggles of humans is our inability to summon happiness. This state that ranges from great delight to pure bliss or intense pleasure is THE ONE that so many of us believe to be the most important pursuit of life.

In fact, happiness has often been named the goal of life. After all, we begin every new year wishing each other, “Happy New Year!”

For me personally, there are days when I find happiness arduous. And I wake up missing that elated state of being. On mornings like that, I pause for a few minutes before getting up. In that short pause, I go through my schedule. And then I drink my coffee slowly and remind myself who I belong to and why I do what I do.

Indeed if we are honest, we will acknowledge that we often find happiness challenging. It is somewhat elusive and momentary. As a pastor, I hear more about the opposite state and find unhappiness a more frequent companion for many.

Solomon has much to say about this in his musing in Ecclesiastes. He too couldn’t make happiness a permanent companion despite having immense power, wealth, pleasure, accomplishment and knowledge (Ecc. 1:2, 14; 2:1, 11, 17; 4:4; 5:10). After savouring life to the best of his abilities, he surmised that everything was meaningless.

So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”

Ecclesiastes 2:17 (NIV)

Perhaps you find yourself echoing Solomon’s sentiment as you come to the end of another year. You might even be engaging in a mad struggle to capture ‘enough’ happiness to make life worth living.

If you are feeling trapped in a dark tunnel of despair struggling to find a beam of happiness, it might comfort you to know that the psalmist found himself in the same place. However, he didn’t allow himself to stay downcast. Instead, he placed his hope in God.

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.

Psalm 42:5 (NKJV)

Likewise, Solomon despite his desperation with life conceded that ultimately it is our relationship with God that fuels our happiness.

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, …

Ecclesiastes 2:26a (NIV)

Keeping Our Eyes On God

Happiness is to be had if we are willing to keep our eyes on God.

This happiness has little to do with the temporary feeling of elation that we desperately seek. This happiness is not always boisterous. It is not necessarily a display of fireworks or painting the town red.

This inner delight is much more substantial than the good feeling that comes and goes. It is more than fleeting moments of pleasure. It is not based on circumstances or people.

This happiness is founded on the knowledge of the goodness of God. It is the awe of participating in God’s purpose. It is the deep satisfaction that our life has meaning. It is the unexplainable joy that we experience when we do good to others.

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.

Ecclesiastes 3:12 (NIV)

This is the happiness that God has for us! This is the happiness that God has for you!

A Deep Satisfaction Of Purpose

The days will attempt to bring us down for sure. And we will be tempted to believe that if we could have what we want or gain the accolades of others, we will be truly happy. Yet Solomon and scores of high achievers, and indeed many more to come will prove this a blatant deception. So often it is at the height of having it all, that the deepest despair besets the greatest of man.

God does not expect us to be in cloud nine unceasingly! But as we keep our eyes on God and intentionally live out God’s purpose, we will experience deep delight that overwhelms our soul.

If our heart is taken by the presence and power of God working out his purpose in our life, we will find happiness a more consistent companion.

If we redefine happiness from a temporal mood to a deep satisfaction of purpose in God, happiness does not have to be elusive or momentary.

With our heart rested solidly on God’s goodness, we can beam with positive intention even when we find things or people difficult. We can triumph over troubled emotions.

We can summon happiness when we are willing to acknowledge that our purpose far outweighs our momentary emotions.

So on days when you find yourself downcast emotionally, don’t give up on happiness. Pause and look to God. His banner over you is love. His purpose for you is worth living for. Remind yourself who you belong to, declare your purpose and summon happiness!

May God and his purpose be your happiness. And here’s to a Happier New Year!

Happy are the people whose God is the Lord!

Psalm 144:15b (NKJV)

Do you ever feel like you don’t belong? I did. The pain of not belonging was something I was fairly familiar with.

Growing up as one of the youngest grand-daughters in a massive Chinese family, belonging was somewhat elusive for me. I was perhaps “unusual” in that I was primarily English-speaking, struggled with physical activities, and was inclined to think somewhat differently! Being the first in my large extended family to confess Jesus as Lord only made matters worse. Being a teen with big dreams in an era where the male was deemed superior to the female, there were constant thoughts that being female was a great disadvantage.

Added to this youthful struggle for acceptance, my national identity was baffling. In a nation where my ethnicity was deemed alien, I had difficulty belonging to the land I call home. Marrying a man of a different ethnicity further reinforced my sense of alienation from the normal. In 1996, this was a cultural divergence. I remember vividly a Chinese man cursing me beneath his breath and then spat on the ground to make certain that I knew that he hated me as I walked down the street with my husband.

Over the years, I have come to understand that the sense of rejection is the shared pain of humanity.

Jesus in becoming human shared our pain of rejection.

He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Isaiah 53:3 (NIV)

He who created the world did not belong either. They crucified Him on the cross not for His sins, but for His perfection. 

And if we crucified He who was perfect, would we not “crucify” each other? If He who was perfect was rejected, should we who are imperfect be surprised at our rejection? Should we think it’s strange that we are so often not fully understood, or completely embraced?

Yet over 25 years of ministry taught me that many believers spend too much energy and time trying to figure out their rejection, as if they are mysteries to be solved. The inability to find justifiable answers often trapped them in the upheaval of pain.

There are really no good answers to rejection.

There are no easy answers to why we don’t feel more belong.

We live in a world driven largely by deep fear, unmasked pride, and insatiable greed. Mutual acceptance is not exactly our strong point.

Do not our history, our books, our songs, our movies testify to this continuously? Does not the popular social media scream this loud enough? No one deserves full acceptance! That is the way with the world.

For different reasons, no one truly belongs.

I understand that we seek to belong truly, deeply, meaningfully to the people who matter to us, and to our vision of the ideal world.

I have lost count of the endless people sitting opposite me narrating that familiar pain. I am constantly concerned for younger people who think of their pain as unique, who find it unbearable, and who seek escape through self-harm. 

It is not that the people around us are broken, it is that we too are broken. We too are triggered by our flawed perceptions and emotions. Our brokenness leaves gaps in our hearts that can never be fully closed. Our healing remains incomplete no matter how much time and energy we spend dressing our wounds. 

I want to shout from the mountaintop that instead of looking to the world to belong, we need to look to Jesus.

Jesus alone offers us unconditional love and full acceptance.

My discovery that Jesus loves me unconditionally and accepts me fully leads me down the path of making peace with not belonging. In surrendering to God, I found that I have always been accepted and loved by the people who matter. I was not “unusual” after all. My struggle to belong speaks mostly of my own brokenness. I didn’t understand that imperfect acceptance was the best that imperfect people could give.

That is the path that all of us as believers have. If we would take this journey of discovering God’s elaborate love, we would discover that we need not fully belong to the world because we fully belong to God.

The World Is Not Our Final Home.

It is transitory. No land, relationship or vocation is our final home.

Let us not allow our pain of rejection to harm us. Let us not sit in our room alone and grieve, let us not numb our hearts and minds with alcohol or pills, let us not cut ourselves to still our inner demons. Instead, let us throw ourselves into the safe embrace of our Lord and let us spend more time laughing with people who do accept us, albeit imperfectly.

Ironically, at the moment when Jesus was to be completely abandoned by those closest to Him, He promises us peace. Dearly beloved of God, we will do well to surrender to His peace and choose happiness in our sojourn here.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33 (NIV)

When God envisioned the world, He went to work. God’s vision soon became a reality through his work. Heaven and earth, water and land, plants and living beings all came about. And finally, God’s finest work – human beings were brought forth.

Every Christian that has been entrusted with a vision must likewise work to turn it into reality. We must bring forth what the Holy Spirit put into our heart through work. To do our finest work, we will need to get down on our knees and get our hands soiled.

In case we have any mistaken idea that God’s divine activity does not correspond to the mundane work that we do, we should note that in describing God at work, Genesis uses the Hebrew word mlkh – the word for ordinary human work!

In this season of a worldwide pandemic, work has become more difficult. For some of us, the disruption to our work has been severe and we are barely able to work. For others of us, work has become increasingly stressful. We are exhausted by the uncertainty. We cannot be sure that our work will bear the fruits we seek. We doubt that our work has meaning beyond paying our bills.

This was certainly my experience earlier this year when the lockdown first happened. I became increasingly frustrated as the days turned to weeks and weeks to months. Alternating between trying to keep a work schedule and abandoning all work, I found myself moving between faith and hope, and guilt and hopelessness.

The problem was my focus was on my work. I was anxious about its effectiveness or rather lack of effectiveness. I was frustrated that the momentum built through hard work was increasingly coming to a halt.

A short pause in the loop helped me to return to the beginning where God planted a garden and called Adam to tend it. The garden was the result of God’s work. Adam’s work was a continuation of the work that began with God. Through Adam’s work, God’s vision for the world would be completed.

How can we connect our work to God’s work during this unprecedented time?

We need to return to the beginning and see God as the beginning of all meaningful work. Not only is he the beginning, he is the foundation of all our work.

God is the backbone of our work.

The backbone as we know is the part of something that provides the greatest strength and support to it. It is the most important or substantial part of something. And that is who God is to our work.

Unfortunately, for many Christians, instead of connecting to God as the backbone, we treat him as a wishbone.

The “wishbone” or furcula is the V-shaped bone between the neck and breast of a cooked bird such as a turkey, duck or chicken. Traditionally it is removed from the bird and pulled apart by two people. It is believed that the longer piece brings good luck and the one who gets the longer piece could make a secret wish that would come true. This whimsical belief came about around 700 B.C. when the Etruscans in ancient Italy believed that birds were oracles and could tell the future. They would leave the furcula in the sun to dry out, preserving it in hopes of gaining its divine powers. Villagers would then pick up the furcula and gently stroke it while making a wish.

Stroking a wishbone will not turn vision into reality!

Many Christians have failed in their work because they have treated God as a wishbone instead of a backbone.

When we work, we are expressing our godlike nature. God who calls us to work is interested in our work. The Holy Spirit who resides in us is not just our helper in what are commonly accepted as spiritual activities such as prayer or worship, He is also our helper when we work. The Spirit of God endows and empowers us to do our work.

We read in the Old Testament that the Spirit of God inspires craftsmen and artists who designed and adorned the Tabernacle (see Ex. 35:30-35). Judges and kings in Israel did their work under the anointing of the Spirit of God (see 1 Chron. 28:11-12;Judg. 3:10;1 Sam. 16:13, 23:2; Prov. 16:10).

The significance and meaning of our work lie in our cooperation with the Holy Spirit in anticipation that our work contributes to the betterment and transformation of our community and world. Just like the garden that Adam tended to advance God’s vision of the world, our work done in cooperation with the Holy Spirit turns God’s vision for our life into reality.

What is the vision of God for you in this peculiar season of life?

After the initial confusion, a “light bulb moment” happened for me, as I saw with surprising clarity the vision for this season. The clarity of vision allows for the resetting of priorities, redistribution of resources and reigniting of faith and hope.

The current pandemic lockdown certainly threatens to bring our work to naught. It could snuff out our creativity, douse our passion, and leave us visionless. But by embracing God as our backbone, and leaning into the Holy Spirit, we can believe that even in trying times, God turns desert into pools of water and parched grounds into flowing springs.

They sowed fields and planted vineyards that yielded a fruitful harvest; he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, and he did not let their herds diminish.

Psalm 107: 37-38 (NIV)”